i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
