4 words: hood of his car
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
