I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Randomize
