Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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