All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
