Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Randomize
