If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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