I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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