its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
