she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
