I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
