bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I have feelings that need drinking.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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