A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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