Please, let me fuck your mom
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
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Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize