Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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