I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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