i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
