the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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