Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i will never coherently bang her
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
