Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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