My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
