I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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