he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
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Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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