currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
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