remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
