so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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