So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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