I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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