Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
and she was petting her beer can
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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