come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
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So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
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I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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