they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
wow bdsm is so cute
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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