i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
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