Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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