what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
