I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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