I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize