They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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