Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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