ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Randomize
