I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize