dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
