I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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