Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
