he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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