Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(540): View more from Virginia

ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.

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(778): View more from British Columbia

You're perfectly engineered for doggy style

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(248): View more from Michigan

thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.

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(954): View more from Florida

I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."

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(512): View more from Texas

Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.

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(716): View more from New York

her body is proportioned like a family guy character

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(703): View more from Virginia

I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.

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(716): View more from New York

Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.

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(716): View more from New York

Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...

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