I didn't shave. On purpose
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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