I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
