We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
you're hired as official boob wrangler
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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