Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
