i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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