I cannot find my penis.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
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