ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize
