you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
