I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
