it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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