how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Randomize
