I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
it hurts more in the daytime
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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