I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
