Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
