You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit