chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.