my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?