Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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