Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
